heart.head.soul.song

this is my heart

this is my heart. it is a good heart.

bones and a membrane of mist and fire
are the woven cover.
when we make love in the flower world
my heart is close enough to sing
to yours in a language that has no use
for clumsy human words.

my head is a good head, but it is a hard head
and it whirs inside with a swarm of worries.
what is the source of this singing, it asks
and if there is a source why can't i see it
right here, right now
as real as these hands hammering
the world together
with nails and sinew?

this is my soul. it is a good soul.
it tells me, "come here forgetful one."
and we sit together with a lilt of small winds
who rattle the scrub oak.
we cook a little something
to eat: a rabbit, some sofkey
then a sip of something sweet
for memory.

this is my song. it is a good song.
it walked forever the border of fire and water
climbed ribs of desire to my lips to sing to you.
its new wings quiver with
vulnerability.

come lie next to me, says my heart.
put your head here.
it is a good thing, says my soul.

: joy harjo

daddy's shoes.

there i was, all of three and a half feet tall, spinning around and around and around. i worried about scuffing my daddy’s shiny new shoes or losing my balance, but when i tried to even focus on one particular thing outside our private circle, my eyes fluttered under the weight of the air and i could only laugh. i laughed and laughed and laughed at the silliness of it all, the simplicity of happiness that occurred when my five year old self was able to dance on the tips of my father’s shoes and feel alive. when the song ended, my dad reached down and lifted me up so i was the tallest person in the room and everyone looked into my sparkling hazel eyes and for a split second, or at least i like to believe, they felt like i did, like irish music can change the mood, like the slowest dance can be turned into an upbeat jig, and like being my father’s daughter was the biggest honor, and it was all mine.

071606

memory is a way of holding onto the things you love,
the things you are,
and the things you never want to lose.

the wonder years

if you eat out, read this.

a few pointers:
1. most servers/bartenders do not make the $7.15 that is minimum wage. in fact, most corporate workers make only $4.60 which is then TAXED by the tips we have to declare at the end of the night. so, when you have a check over the price of $22.00 do not drop a "five dolla holla" and leave. take the time to look at the TAX at the bottom of your bill, double it, and the add two dollars. if you do not do this, you represent ignorance. it is not 1960, and we cannot even live off of a 15% tip these days. wise up to your surroundings. granted we are in a recession, but if you can afford to eat out, be aware that this is your server's job and they should be able to afford to eat out too.
2. do not be rude to the people who handle your food. are you really THAT dumb? if you are, please go rent the movie "waiting" and understand that it is a corporate restaurant! they got the idea for the movie from a chain restaurant many people find themselves frequenting. chew over that bit on information and be nice to your server next time.
3. a TIP does not mean a piece of advice. it means a payment for being at your beck and call and running around for everything you may need for 45 minutes. if you overdue the necessary extra napkins, extra honey mustard, take it into consideration that you might want to leave a few extra dollars.
4. introduce yourself to your local diner. if you happen to get hungry after midnight, do not come to the corporate restaurant on the corner where the servers are cleaning up, the kitchen is closing, and the bartenders are cranky. go to the diner where you can always get a handy cheeseburger and be as loud as you want.
5. EMERGENCY EXIT means EMERGENCY EXIT. it does not mean - EXIT HERE WHEN TOO LAZY TO WALK TO FRONT ENTRANCE. you're already consuming enough calories to last you four out of the seven day week. the extra walking won't kill you.
6. stop bringing your newborn children out after midnight and sitting at at bar to consume massive amounts of alcohol just because you couldn't drink for nine months. it is not a healthy lifestyle to be bringing children up in.
7. if, at the end of your meal, you tell your server they were the greatest server you've ever had or anything along those lines - ask to see a manager to relay the compliment to. it does no good just telling the server, the manager needs to hear it. and then you need to tip - BIGTIME. if you're not up to these two tasks - save your breath. your compliments mean nothing to us.
8. when you order an alcoholic drink from a corporate restaurant, the bartenders put as much alcohol into the drink as is allowed. if you ask us to bring it back to put a liiiittle bit more in, we will take it to the bar and stand there long enough for you to think we're "helping you out" when really we're not doing anything. it makes our day when we bring the drink back to you (totally untouched) and you tell us it's "much better!" thank you to those people. other than that - if you order a mai tai don't expect to be wowed by the liquor content. if you're looking for said reaction - stick with a long island iced tea.
9. stop pretending it's your birthday. we're going to start asking for id.

sometimes.

sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. you never know who these people may be, but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.

sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart. illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. it would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

the people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. even the bad experiences can be learned from. in fact, they are sometimes the most important ones.

if someone loves you, give love back to them in whatever way you can, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things. if someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.

make every day count. appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can,
for you may never be able to experience it again. talk to people that you have never talked to before, and listen to what they have to say.

let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. hold your head up because you have every right to. tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.

you can make anything you wish of your life. create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets. and if you love someone tell them, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store.

learn a lesson in life each day that you live. today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday.

was it worth it?